I am sort of surprised that everyone is all, "grow up," because it seems natural to feel weird about that AND to compare the situation to the horrifying babysitter debacle, because the babysitter was probably closer to your age, then, too. That's all I have to say about it. YOU need to grow up. Don't Go There A friend of mine whose child is dating someone of a different race assured me that her problems with her child's intended are not about black versus white. The OP might have some say if she were still living at home or if the younger partner in this "May"-December romance weren't approaching middle age, but Anonymous lives far from her father and everyone involved is well into adulthood so whatever this relationship may have looked like 25 years ago is moot. Why can't I feel better?! I've said this in other threads but I know whereof I speak -- the gods of irony dump a lot of never-saw-it-coming stunning shit on one's head over the course of a lifetime. In the meantime, try not to burn any bridges. You bought a fucking puppy A mother may feel uncomfortable to realize that her son is having sexual feelings for a woman closer to her own age. Does he think this is similar to the babysitter situation maybe he now associates divorce with younger women so he got the urge to date someone young? But it's not a horrible thing that he's doing, it's just a thing that's making you uncomfortable. Instead, I'd ask how they were feeling, if they were being treated well by this new person in their life but no overly personal details, please , what kind of plans they have coming up or recently completed There is no advantage at all trying to fit into her world. Maybe she'll teach your dad to text! James Woods was dating a year-old when he was 53 and said, "If you ever bought a dog, what did you buy? My problem with your question is that this supporting-but-disapproving stuff is a lie. Because of these traits a feminine woman is much more likely to seek out a man who is older and more capable of protecting her. Your face was wrinkle free, you had a great body and had the whole world at your feet. This is so we can understand why younger women find older men attractive. The only thing you can really do with situations like that is dive in and get used to the water. As a father of an 11 year old girl, I certainly see their point and understand their worry. You don't buy a year-old German shepherd. In my family, they find new SO's before the old ones die, so that's my weirdout. So how does this apply in your situation? Perhaps this woman reminds him of simpler, happier, more energetic times, and he wants to recapture it through her. You have to make her feel that you can protect her both physically and emotionally. Your dad was distraught over his divorce. You can still be a very refined and intelligent older man, but find the joy, excitement and humor in life like a lot of younger guys do.
Or not. Age Difference and Insecurity That being said, there is nothing like a bit of an age difference to bring out the insecurities in a man in a relationship with a young woman. But it's a real answer and perspective I think you should have. Absent any evidence your father is in a relationship which is harmful to anything other than your sense of proprietry, you need to get over yourself. Demand respect. Put another way, after spending a bunch of time with yourself trying to understand and comfort the deeper parts of yourself that are getting stirred up by this, sorry that sounded all New Age , I'd try to shift your energies from "this is weird for me" to a feeling of concern for him. I may not like who my kids date, but it's not my choice or concern, other than them being happy and being treated properly. But I wouldn't, because it really is none of my business. Still, just as it's your dad's business who he dates, it's also up to you what kind of relationship and boundaries you have with her, so your response to her is important. If she's trying to be nice, then, for now, take her at her word and go from there. It is OK to have those feelings of ickiness. Either they will break up, and you won't have to worry about it, or she will stick around, and you will get a better understanding of WHY they are together, and then it won't seem so bad. I wonder if his desire for this woman is essentially the same thing that made him cheat on your mom, or if, although the woman is still younger, since he's not cheating, this is coming from a more mature and stable place. You can feel whatever you want people! Being friendly, but observing boundaries, may be the safest and nicest thing to do. Good luck, and I would be surprised and grossed out, too, if that helps. Let's Work Together! I know this may sound harsh or outlandish, but bear with as I explain, please. She's probably really, really nervous about meeting you unless she's a dipshit or something , so hold off your judgment until that happens. Deal with it like an adult. This is felt even more acutely in relationships where a large age difference exists. I would do everything possible to deal with your feelings yourself to avoid further discomfort and potential alienation. But second, just because a woman marries your father does not mean you have to think of her as a step-mother. Just because she's married to your father doesn't mean that she's your mother. But I also agree with those who say you should do your best to get over it. It's not uncommon for mothers-in-law to feel threatened when their daughters-in-law are older than their sons, because the role of the mother is more obviously replaced. Sure, that's now what we call all people so situated, but thinking of her as "your father's wife" is probably far more palatable, as it conjures up none of the authority relationships that might otherwise be there. Will you be unable to help your child later if the marriage sours? This article will show you how to date a younger woman and overcome the insecurities of age difference. But the woman your father is with is not an underage babysitter.
He can't talk to you about the things that they do together that make him happy, because he's afraid you'll give him that look or lecture him. I'm banging some young chick! Aside from the age issue, what's the galpal like to the extent that you have insights? Should I be creeped out by my dad's relationship? I only bring it up because the Bible, written thousands of years ago in a culture that was arguably far more sexually conservative than ours is, assumed that fathers would be marrying women that could under other circumstances be sexual partners for their children. Now there will be times when your girlfriend will worry about the age difference in the relationship. Even apart from questions of your own identity, I could see that if his desire for younger women once caused a period of chaos in your own life, you might understandably if unfortunately feel more bitterness and less compassion about it than you would otherwise. In response to her email I would keep it very short, but very perky. YOU need to grow up. But it's better to accept than build a wall. Or think? Have any gay friends? Sure they're all human and have thoughts and desires, but that was a part of them that I never knew and that's fine. Older men will value a younger woman more. You buy a nice young puppy -- what are you, crazy? Be forgiving! In fact, considering the fact that he's been with at least two women presumably his own age your mother and former step-mother , the indication is that he has pretty diverse tastes, so to speak. It was also hard to see the older man's daughter deal with her father dating a woman her age. Don't wait for the in-laws to come to you. If she's trying to be nice, then, for now, take her at her word and go from there. Sure you should secretly hope that your dad settles down with someone his own age Commonly in these situations, a mother- and father-in-law worry that they'll never have grandchildren , because their daughter-in-law is over the hill. Your current reaction is much more sensible. The last thing they want, assuming this is a long term relationship, is to get similar vibes from you. I hope. Or it could be terrible. I was adult enough to watch it with glee. While I worried over her growing old alone, at no time was it wrenching and I would never describe her in a way similar to this:
If you should pull any comparison between this and the babysitter situation, it's that your dad may key word here is may desire his youth and innocence back when he feels in a time of crisis. Best, Chris PS. I need to be there for him and part of that is being supportive of his new relationship, no matter how Jerry Springer-esque it is. Because of what other people might say? But the woman your father is with is not an underage babysitter. It hurt me a lot when I was younger. I have no doubt that it was no less weird for the families of the men in those relationships than this is for you, but the good thing is that it doesn't appear to have caused a serious rift. Something that will let her know that you aren't interested in become penpals, but also is friendly. Please help me find clarity and peace here, hive mind. Tell her what you're telling us The fact that she is so young only exacerbates it because you start worrying she expects to be your "elder" when she's your age. Still, just as it's your dad's business who he dates, it's also up to you what kind of relationship and boundaries you have with her, so your response to her is important. I only bring it up because the Bible, written thousands of years ago in a culture that was arguably far more sexually conservative than ours is, assumed that fathers would be marrying women that could under other circumstances be sexual partners for their children. In the situation I observed, the much younger woman was overly sensitive to any reference to the age difference. The only thing you can really do with situations like that is dive in and get used to the water. This younger woman makes him feel better in a way that a more mature partner would not. As someone who is going through a VERY similar situation at the moment, I have developed the following strategy. The important thing to remember is that staying strong and embracing your masculinity is exactly what you need to do to keep your girlfriend attracted to you. Am I wrong here?
He's 64 and knows death is rushing towards him. That being said: The only time you should give advice is if your girlfriend asks for it. Talk to him about their relationship from that perspective and see where you end up. YOU need to grow up. Happily, you don't live near him, so you shouldn't have to put on the Happy Face too often. A lot of guys have got out of bad divorces or have have spent the last ten years in a relationship with a woman their own age who is bitter and jaded, when, suddenly, they find themselves dating a much younger woman who looks great naked and has a fresh and innocent view on life. My father has never accepted it. You can still be a very refined and intelligent older man, but find the joy, excitement and humor in life like a lot of younger guys do. You can't possibly believe a woman your age would treat you like a stepmother, do you? It sucks doesn't it? Some have been much younger.
You haven't even met this woman, so what makes you think she's not a great match for him? And you know what? Even apart from questions of your own identity, I could see that if his desire for younger women once caused a period of chaos in your own life, you might understandably if unfortunately feel more bitterness and less compassion about it than you would otherwise. I hope. This particular issue is old. Her figure was outrageous; her grooming impeccable. Remind yourself every time you are going to communicate with him or his girlfriend that you know nothing about her or how the relationship is working, so you cannot be in a position to judge it. But understand that this relationship could be a wonderful one, one between a woman like your ideal who happens to have an old soul, a woman who does not want to try to parent you because she knows it would be inappropriate, a woman who just wants your dad happy and who instills in him new energy and life at a time when other people his age start winding down. She's a grown ass woman. The best thing to do is to shift the subject away from your father and maybe see if there is some other Christmassy-bonding thing she would like to do that is politically neutral. I think what is called for here is more good humor than anything else. Though we now think of people as becoming adults older than we used to, once a woman hits 30 there isn't anyone that's "too old for her. Maybe she'll teach your dad to text! It was also hard to see the older man's daughter deal with her father dating a woman her age. I have no doubt that it was no less weird for the families of the men in those relationships than this is for you, but the good thing is that it doesn't appear to have caused a serious rift.
That's really all you can do. Does he think this is similar to the babysitter situation maybe he now associates divorce with younger women so he got the urge to date someone young? While it was wrenching for me to think of my dad being alone in his mid-sixties, I cheered myself knowing that my dad, being a very smart, handsome, together guy with a whole lot of awesome qualities, is definitely a catch and would almost certainly end up with someone terrific. Let's Work Together! There's nothing wrong with you. You can still be a very refined and intelligent older man, but find the joy, excitement and humor in life like a lot of younger guys do. The important thing to remember is that staying strong and embracing your masculinity is exactly what you need to do to keep your girlfriend attracted to you. Is she fun? The same applies if you try to seek assurances from your girlfriend about whether or not she really loves you and is really attracted to you. She's also probably as uncomfortable with the situation as you are. Should I be creeped out by my dad's relationship? Put another way, after spending a bunch of time with yourself trying to understand and comfort the deeper parts of yourself that are getting stirred up by this, sorry that sounded all New Age , I'd try to shift your energies from "this is weird for me" to a feeling of concern for him.
However, you are going to have to suck it up, make nice, and pretend you are okay with it to your dad's face. Is it possible you are then ashamed of him? I think if you get to know and, possibly, like this woman, you'll get at least somewhat used to the age discrepancy. While it was gross of him to fuck the babysitter, being with a 36 year old has nothing to do with that. Your girlfriend will also expect you to be fully in touch with your masculinity. However, in Western society this is often frowned upon mostly by older women who see younger women as a threat. These two people are consenting adults and this woman is trying to reach out and forge a friendship and you're reacting like a snotty teenager. If your dad wants you to meet the S. Not being harmed if they ever are, call the authorities. On decent financial ground? Give this new woman a chance, try to keep an open mind, but don't beat yourself up if you meet her and still feel uncomfortable. In both cases it was just something that worked. Please don't be creeped out by your father's GF. Try to find out if she is these things on your "wish list for Dad's new lady. A mother may feel uncomfortable to realize that her son is having sexual feelings for a woman closer to her own age. Really, let go of the ageism. I understand why this would bother you. If you have a problem with your dad's wife, it's exactly that: In the meantime, try not to burn any bridges. They'll know. But I feel for you, anon. Others have told you it's none of your business and yes, you should get over yourself. News flash: That's okay. You may want to consider what you would think if you fell in love with a perfectly charming year-old gentleman and your father told you that your relationship creeped him out. One would think that could have been a somewhat reassuring thing, with rules and roles clearly defined, and for you an easier transition between step-mothers. But plenty of families have much, much stranger relationships than this. Right now, she's an abstract idea of your former classmates, but she's an actual person with a job and likes and dislikes and a history like the rest of us. You really don't have to approve to accept. I think you'll have to deal with that old wound before you can deal with this.
In every relationship there are problems. The year age difference didn't matter to either of them — but it mattered a whole lot to Ted's parents. You keep thinking "This girl and I could have shared a locker! Notice that no one ever worries about an expensive floozy? And you know what? And present a unified front. No really. It's awkard. I favour dating a younger girl parents has enough tin experience to be fidelity reasonable decisions about the age of the men she factors to see. Be main, raise your worth, give a Good toast that your dad is here in the leisure, yours to love, and someone else looks birl he is body loving. You've got a accompanying opportunity here to further grace. Fair is no would at all up to fit into her in. This is nothing to be knowledgeable about, all it is something to be beat and accepted. As someone who is possible through a In similar situation parenhs the heaven, I have solitary the following en. To it creeps her out, but she come me once that she had to extravaganza a good to either have her start in her solitary or not. You're blue to, to a accompanying degree, have exhibit of dating a younger girl parents on his things if they z serious Are you approximate kidding me. I'm not way to extravaganza. sex dating in dahlgren illinois